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The Internal Auditor (6 of 6)

FRIDAY

The Internal Auditor pt.6

[C.A]

May I come in?

[Z.W]

Yes, of course! Hello, Carl! What a surprise!

[C.R]

Hey baby!

[C.A]

I...uh... hi, Catalina...

[T.I]

CARL?? WH.. FUCK!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND??? YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!!! WE DON’T WANT TO RAISE ANY SUSPICION!!!! FUCK!!! YOU ARE SO FUCKING STUPID!!! I TOLD YOU TO CALL ME FIRST!!!

[C.A]

But, Tanya... I wanted to a...

SMACK

[T.I]

MY NAME IS MS IVANOVA FOR YOU, YOU FUCKING SHIT!!!

IF THERE’S ANYONE OUT THERE LISTENING RIGHT NOW, THE WHOLE PLAN WILL BE FUCKED UP!!!

[C.A]

I’m.. sorry, Tan... I mean, Ms Ivanova. It’s just that, you wanted to see me before I give my final report to the Board.

[T.I]

Did you read the report we gave you?

[C.A]

Yes, Ms Ivanova. I did. And I have to say, I’m not happy with what I read!

[T.I]

What did you say, Carl?

[C.A]

I...

[T.I]

Do I need to remind you what you are as of yesterday???

[C.A]

I... no. It’s just that...

[T.I]

Can you please kneel in front of me, Carl?

[C.A]

What? Oh come on!! Ms Ivanova.. please...

SMACK

[T.I]

KNEEL, CARL!! THAT’S AN ORDER!!!

[C.A]

But...

[C.R]

Come on, baby. You’d better do what Ms Ivanova says. It’s okay.

[T.I]

Good boy. You are not allowed to look me in the eyes. Now you may continue.

[C.A]

I... I was saying.... that...

You are framing my team, Ms Ivanova! I know you want to get the job done, but I’ve known them for years, you know?? Can’t we just...

SMACK

[T.I]

Lick my shoes while talking, Carl. Do not stop until you are finished with your request...

[C.A]

But...

[T.I]

WHAT DID YOU SAY, CARL??? YOU WANT THE DEAL CANCELLED???

[C.A]

No... I... no... Ms Ivanova...

[T.I]

THEN DO AS I SAY, BITCH!!! START LICKING!!!!

[C.A]

I... okay.... I.. mfmfghgh... was... saying... mfmfmghghg... if you could... mfmfmgghgg... let me... mfmfmfmfghghg... keep my team.... mfmfmfmghgh...

[T.I]

What?? Keep your team???

Of course not, Carl!

Your team is the perfect candidate to place the blame for our current situation.

They are the only 3 people who know the truth about what we are doing here—with you being the fourth—and obviously they can’t be bought!

[C.A]

But... mfmfmfghghhg... Ms Ivanova... mfmfmgghhg they are my... mfmfmfmfghghgh... friends!!!

[T.I]

Yeah, okay. You will make new friends.

You will accuse those 3 for trying to gain control of this company, handing the Board the evidence that we give you.

You will tell the Board “you couldn’t believe it at first”, “you’ve been friends for 15 years with those people”, shit like that.

And then you will tell them that you did everything you could to expose those scums.

[C.A]

But... mfmfmfhghgh Ms Ivanova...

SMACK

SMACK

[T.I]

WHAT DID WE AGREE, CARL???

ARE YOU MY PET OR WHAT???

[C.A]

I am... Ms Ivanova...

[T.I]

SAY IT, CARL!! I WANNA HEAR YOU SAY IT!!!

[C.A]

I’m you pet, Ms Ivanova...

[T.I]

LOUDER, CARL!!!

[C.A]

I am your pet, Ms Ivanova!!!!

[T.I]

LOUDER!!!!

[C.A]

I AM YOUR PET, MS IVANOVA!!!

[T.I]

AND MRS RAMIREZ’S PET, RIGHT CARL????

[C.A]

YES, MS IVANOVA!! AND MRS RAMIREZ’S!!!

[T.I]

AND ZHANG’S, CARL!!! RIGHT????

[C.A]

YES, MS IVANOVA!!! ZHANG’S TOO!!!

[T.I]

Mrs Wen!

[Z.W]

Yes?

[T.I]

Slap Mr Anderson.

[Z.W]

WHAT??

[T.I]

Give Mr Anderson a slap, Mrs Wen. He is your subordinate too. We pay him for his services. Don’t we, Carl?

[C.A]

....yes... Ms Ivanova...

[T.I]

Then, ask politely from Mrs Wen to slap your face, Mr Anderson.

[C.A]

.... please... Mrs Wen... will you... slap my face..?

[T.I]

Walk on all fours towards her, Mr Anderson. Make it easy for her to smack your face. She is too shy. Don’t you see?

[C.A]

Please, Mrs Wen... Slap me, please...

SMACK

[T.I]

Now thank her, Carl!!! Zhang, hit him again!!

SMACK

[T.I]

THANK HER!!!!

SMACK

[C.A]

Thank... you...

[T.I]

AGAIN!!!

SMACK

[C.A]

Thank you!

[T.I]

BETTER!! I WANT HER TO BELIEVE THAT YOU THANK HER!!! I WANT IT TO COME OUT OF YOUR HEART, CARL!!!! ZHANG SLAP HIM!!!

SMACK

[C.A]

... Thank you!!!

SMACK

[C.A]

Thank you, Mrs Wen!!! Thank you so much!!!

SMACK

[C.A]

Thank you so damn much, Mrs Wen, for doing this for me!!! Thank you!!!!

[T.I]

That’s our boy! Enough... Come here. So. You were saying something?

[C.A]

... No... Ms Ivanova...

[T.I]

That’s our boy.

You know all the Members of the Board personally. Isn’t it so, Carl?

[C.A]

Yes, Ms Ivanova...

[T.I]

That means they trust you.

[C.A]

Yes...

[T.I]

That is perfect for us, Carl.

You will make sure that you frame your team. We want the Board to press charges against them.

We want the Board to hunt them down. Like dogs. With all the evidence we have for them, those fuckers will probably end up in jail.

[C.A]

But...

[T.I]

Listen to me, Carl. You have an important meeting in a few hours!

The Board expects something big from you. Since Monday.

And you will give it to them!

You will give them the shocking news that they expect to hear from you!

You have shocking evidence that your own team has been working against the company’s interests for months.

[C.A]

I...

[T.I]

You will make sure though that the information that you give them, will be treated as highly classified. Your team must never know about your role in this. I’m sure the Board will take care of this...

[C.A]

But...

[T.I]

FUCK THAT, CARL!! YOU WILL DO AS YOU ARE TOLD!!! YOU HEAR ME??

[C.A]

Is there.. no other way??? Please, Tanya... I’m begging you. These people are my friends...

[T.I]

No, Carl!! We have already discussed about it!! Your team must get out of the picture!

You will make sure of that! Are we clear??

[C.A]

Yes...

[T.I]

Your new team will consist of the people that we have chosen for you. OUR people!

[C.A]

YOUR WHAT?? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???

[T.I]

Haven’t I told you??? Yeah. That’s enough with your buddies, Carl. You ‘ll have 3 women working with you now!

[C.A]

WHAT?? NO!! WE CAN’T DO IT LIKE THIS!! THE LEAST YOU CAN DO FOR ME IS TO LET ME CHOOSE MY OWN TEAM!!!

[T.I]

AM I PAYING YOU TO MAKE DECISIONS, CARL????

[C.A]

PLEASE, MS IVANOVA!! YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND ME!! THIS JOB IS NOT AN EASY JOB, YOU KNOW??? IT TAKES YEARS OF HARD WORK AND EXPERIENCE FOR SOMEONE TO REACH THE LEVEL OF EFFICIENCY THAT MY TEAM BROUGHT!! YOU HAVE TO LET ME CHOOSE MY OWN PEOPLE, TANYA!!!

[T.I]

Yeah. I don’t buy that shit, Carl. We both know you are a cheap money-slut.

And basically, even if you were as good as you say, who gives a fuck? You ‘re not gonna be anymore! In fact, even the name “team” is not the term to describe the new order.

[C.A]

But...Tanya!!!

[T.I]

Honey, get over it! I have bought YOU! And when I say YOU, I mean everything in your life!! I pay and you bring me results! Don’t you get it???

[C.A]

I... I...

[T.I]

You LOVE the money I’m paying you, don’t you, Carl..?

[C.A]

...ye.. well... yeah...

[T.I]

And you are willing to do ANYTHING for the right price, right, baby?

[C.A]

Well... pretty much...

[T.I]

Is there ANYTHING you wouldn’t do for the proper amount of beautiful, hot money, dear?

[C.A]

I... actually... no...

[T.I]

That’s the spirit, Carl. I pay, you deliver, honey. Right?

[C.A]

Yes, Ms Ivanova...

[T.I]

Say it, Carl. I pay... you?

[C.A]

...deliver, Ms Ivanova...

[T.I]

LOUDER, CARL!!! I PAY, YOU????

[C.A]

I DELIVER, MS IVANOVA!!! I FUCKING DELIVER!!!! FUCK!!!

[T.I]

That’s it, baby.

Every time you ‘re thinking about any useless objection you may have to my orders, try to think about my sexy money, dear. Think about my hot money filling up your bank accounts, sweety. I’m sure it will bring you back on track!

So.

You can still be proud of your team, Carl.

Saying all that “we are the bestest” crap to advertise your team.

The truth will be the exact opposite, though. But that’s okay as long as you get paid, right?

Yeah, Carl. Kyle Jenkins, Anthony Sanders and Donovan Bailey, your old time friends and colleagues, will be replaced by Danielle McKey, Lisa Parker and Kelly Brooks.

And guess what, honey. Yeah, they know shit about auditing!

[C.A]

But Tanya... What am I gonna do??? I need experienced people on my team!! I...

[T.I]

First of all, you will not use the term “team” when you refer to my people ever again. EVER! Are we clear, dear???

[C.A]

I... wha.. yes...

[T.I]

I ‘ll let you keep your Chief Audit Executive title, as we don’t want to draw any attention.

But you will step back in every aspect of your job, Carl!

In fact, the word “team” will never be used for that purpose ever again!

Instead, you will be using their names. As a matter of fact, it’s YOUR name that needs to be used less.

[C.A]

Tanya, please..

[T.I]

I’m paying you for your access to the Board, Carl! Other than that, you will give Danielle, Lisa and Kelly power, that your former friends would never even dream of!

You will do the real work and you will make sure they always get the credit of it.

I need you to make them stars in this company.

You will never assert that YOU have accomplished anything! You will instead give proper credit to the members of your new “team” personally. Am I clear, Carl?

[C.A]

Yes... What will those women even do to my te... what do we need them?

[T.I]

Oh come on, Carl. I thought you were more clever than that!

[C.A]

Why??

[T.I]

What we are doing down here is more than illegal, Carl!!

We change people’s memories, dear! Can you even believe what this means??

Real people, Carl!! Not animals! Human testing right away!!

You know how many years would it take with all that animal testing shit??

Years, Carl!! Maybe decades!!

Wouldn’t it be easier if we could just alter the proper people’s memories instead??

Why wait for years to be rich, when we can do it now?

Quick ‘n’ easy money, Carl!!

You of all people must know what I’m talking about, huh?

[C.A]

Whoa... yes, Tanya... I know...

[T.I]

I would never come to you in the first place, if it wasn’t for your money thirst, Carl.

We need people like you in all the right places with whom we can do business, you know?

[C.A]

Yes, Tanya..

[T.I]

Well, that’s why we ‘ll have Danielle, Lisa and Kelly for, Carl!

Danielle’s got a killer face, hot body and most importantly she’s an expert in using people, so she will become the new “face” of the Audit Department.

Lisa is an expert in legal frauds.

And Kelly will make sure that your Department stays out of any suspicion.

[C.A]

And what will I do??

[T.I]

You will provide full cover of our department.

That may sound easy now.

But later on, as we’ll be getting more power, it is going to require your 24/7 dedication to our project.

But with the money we’ll be paying you, I don’t think that this is going to be a problem. Right?

[C.A]

No. I don’t think so...

[T.I]

That’s why I needed you in the first place, Carl! Because you are effective. Ruthless. Efficient!

[C.A]

Thank you, Tanya...

[T.I]

You’ll be the perfect hunting dog, Carl.

My faithful hound!

[C.A]

...

[T.I]

Oh Carl! One more thing!

[C.A]

What is it?

[T.I]

That wife of yours!

[C.A]

What about her?

[T.I]

I’m gonna need you to bring her to me for some memory change.

We don’t want to risk anything with your new duties.

I think I’m gonna shift her focus from you a little bit.

[C.A]

WHAT?? MY WIFE?? WHY?? NO!! SHE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS!!

[T.I]

Of course she has, Carl! I’m gonna need her in my lab. Tomorrow morning. End of discussion.

[C.A]

NO!! PLEASE!! SHE HAS N...

SMACK

SMACK

[T.I]

ONE MORE WORD FROM YOU AND YOU ‘RE NEVER GONNA SEE THE COLOR OF MY MONEY AGAIN. EVER!!!

[C.A]

I...

[T.I]

ONE MORE WORD!!!

[C.A]

...

[T.I]

You ‘ll be our hound 24/7, remember??

That means you will be required to do stuff that may make a conventional marriage a bit dysfunctional, don’t you think?

[C.A]

I...

[T.I]

I have bought you, Carl!! Do I have to remind you about it ALL THE FUCKING TIME??

[C.A]

No, Tanya, I was just saying that...

[T.I]

I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT YOU WERE SAYING, CARL!! DON’T YOU GET IT???

I SPENT MY BEAUTIFUL MONEY TO HAVE A TWO-LEGGED HOUND NAMED CARL ANDERSON, ON MY COMMAND!! DIDN’T I?

[C.A]

Yes, Tanya, you did..

[T.I]

WELL, I DON’T WANT MY HOUND’S BITCH TO CAUSE ANY TROUBLE, DO I?

[C.A]

No, Ms Ivanova, you don’t..

[T.I]

I’M NOT PAYING YOU MONEY SO THAT YOUR BITCH STARTS SHOUTING AND CRYING AND SCREAMING ONCE SHE SEES YOU FUCKING OTHER PEOPLE, DO I, CARL???

[C.A]

No, Ms Ivanova..

[T.I]

WELL, THEN, YOU BRING HER TO ME, YOU STUPID SHIT!! THAT WHORE NEEDS TO GIVE NO FUCK ABOUT SUCH THINGS!

[C.A]

Please, Tanya... you have ME. You don’t need her...

[T.I]

She’s gonna be just fine, Carl. She just needs to have the proper memories from you. That’s all.

[C.A]

But Tan...

[T.I]

She’s gonna have to give no shit for you, Carl! NOW FUCK OFF!!

[C.A]

What, what are you going to do to her…

[T.I]

I TOLD YOU, CARL! TO GIVE NO SHIT ABOUT YOU!! NO DEEP FEELINGS! NO SEX! NOTHING!!

[C.A]

No, sex. No, Tanya... how? Please...

[T.I]

Sexual re-orientation, Carl. Sexual re-orientation.

[C.A]

WHAT??? NO! HOW??

[T.I]

Zhang says that giving her a life full of secret lesbian cravings will do the job.

[C.A]

WHAT? YOU’ RE GONNA MAKE HER A LESBIAN???

[T.I]

Lesbian is nothing compared to what I’m gonna do to her, Carl.

[C.A]

Tanya please…!!

SMACK

SMACK

[C.A]

Tanya, no...

SMACK

[T.I]

Will you shut your fucking mouth, bitch???

SMACK

Oh, I’m gonna give your little wifey, a life of agonizing, soul-crushing, suppressed sexual hunger for women, dear.

And not just any women.

I’m gonna make ME look like the absolute wet dream of her most dirty and deprived sexual fantasies.

[C.A]

YOU?? TANYA PLEASE!! WHY???

[T.I]

Because I say so, Carl!!!

I, want to hold the keys to your whore’s legs!!

I, want her to see in me the kinks of a lifetime!!

All the most dirty thoughts that have given her the most mind-crushing orgasms through her life, are gonna have to be mirrored in me!! IS THERE A PROBLEM???

[C.A]

But…

[T.I]

I said end of discussion, CARL!!

[C.A]

Tanya…

SMACK

[T.I]

Shut your fuckin mouth, Carl! We need no useless whores on our back!! Live with it!!

SMACK

[C.A]

Plea...

SMACK

[T.I]

Come closer, Carl...

{whispering}

Your little whore is going to remember a life of earth-shuttering, secret lesbian fantasies mainly around Russian women with my exact body and facial characteristics, Carl.

Her life will be filled with humiliating moments trying to express her suppressed lesbian desires for Russian women, like a perverted little dyke.

Hopefully, dear, as of tomorrow, just opening my mouth to speak will be enough for your little dove, to have multiple mind-blowing orgasms for me.

I’ll make that baby’s childhood so suppressed with lesbian cravings, dear, that once I open up that door for her, she’ll be begging to marry me like a lovebird behind your back.

Is that okay?

[C.A]

Tanya, please... what about me?

[T.I]

You? What about you, Carl?? You have fucked the most disgusting, the most dirty, cheap whores out there!!

[C.A]

...

[T.I]

You have used your money-loving mouth to drain some of the biggest balls, even the dirtiest sluts would never even think of sucking!!!

[C.A]

...

[T.I]

And you out of all people, want anything more than this from your wife??

Oh, come on, Carl. You should thank me for letting you keep a wife in the first place!

[C.A]

But, please, Tanya...

[T.I]

You think you would ever going to fuck her anyway, Carl?? Honey, your cock will be used for our purposes only, don’t you get it? You will fuck the people that you have to fuck!

And your wife was not among those people in the first place!

You will mainly fuck non-fuckable women and gay men, Carl! Other than that, you will have to keep away from sex, for maximum pleasure of our people! Can’t you fucking get it???

[C.A]

Tanya...

[T.I]

End of discussion, Carl! You get paid to follow orders. You will bring your wife to me for memory replacement!

[C.A]

Tan...

SMACK

[T.I]

If I hear one more word from you, I’ll have you divorce her and come out as a proud gay man begging anyone with a cock bigger than 3 inches to fuck your ass!! What do you say?

[C.A]

...

[T.I]

Now go! You got a meeting to attend!

[C.A]

Okay...

[T.I]

I’ll be waiting for full report of it by 19.00.

Zhang will hand you the fake evidence that you ‘re going to give to the Board.

[C.A]

Okay...

[T.I]

Is that a way to address me, Carl?

[C.A]

.... No, Ma’am...

SMACK

[T.I]

Apologize, Carl.

[C.A]

I’m... sorry, Ma’am. It’s just that...

SMACK

[T.I]

Stick out your tongue, Carl.

[C.A]

What??

[T.I]

Stick out your tongue! Like a dog! Now, Carl!!

[C.A]

Bu...

SMACK

[T.I]

NOW!!!

[T.I]

Now, I want to see you acting like a dog!

You will not say a word no matter what.

In fact, you can’t even speak now! Okay, Carl??

[C.A]

...

[T.I]

Now.

I will take a dollar out of my pocket! And that dollar will be your bone. Okay, Carl?

You are of course not allowed to put your tongue back into your mouth.

You ‘ll just keep drooling over your bone! Are we clear??

[C.A]

...

[T.I]

I want you to realize you are the dog here, Carl. Okay?

I want you to realize that I give you orders and you obey like a dog.

And you do that because you want the bone, Carl.

My money is the bone, Carl.

And you always keep your eyes on the bone!!

[C.A]

...

[T.I]

That’s better.

Now, Carl. I want you to keep your eyes on the bone.

That’s it.

Your eyes will follow the bone at all times!!

Once I finish, you will grab the bone with your mouth. Okay?

like a nice little dog.

[C.A]

...

[T.I]

So, Carl.

Let’s take it from the beginning.

You take the fake evidence from Mrs Wen.

You give everything to the Board.

Hopefully, you persuade them that it was you who exposed your old team.

You give me full report.

Tomorrow morning you bring me your wife.

Hopefully, she returns back home a flaming closet dyke.

You make sure the Board gives you absolute power over the company after the exposure of the fraud.

We replace the old members of your team with the ones we have for you.

You wait for further directions.

Are we clear?

SMACK

Eyes on the bone, Carl!

Are we clear???

SMACK

SMACK

[C.A]

Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh!!!!

[T.I]

That’s my boy.

Now come here, boy! Come! Grab your dollar!