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Sissify Yourself: A Change of Focus


I blinked. It was a quiet night in the dorm. I was surprised how late it was. There was a funny taste in my mouth that I realized was perfectly normal.

“Come on,” he said. “Let’s see what’s happening at the Union.”

* * *

I slept late the next day. I had had a good time hanging out with Rob again. I don’t think of other guys that way, but he really was a decent looking guy. He reminded me of someone I vaguely remembered from high school, a senior.

I hung with Rob all day. A couple of times, he patted my hand. It felt nice.

We ended up going to dinner together at a Denny’s. I really had a good time. Rob was funny and told him some things about me that I had never expected to tell anyone. He was just easy to talk to.

We caught the early show of a movie after we ate.

I laughed when we got back to the dorm room. “Dinner and a movie. This is just like a date.”

Rob grinned. “No. If it were a date, we’d hop in bed and I’d fuck you.”

I laughed. “No chance of that.”

“Why?” asked Rob. “Wouldn’t you want me to fuck you?”

I started to say I wasn’t that kind of girl: I didn’t fuck on the first date. But I got a look at the look on Rob’s face.

“Are you—?”

“______________________”

“. . . serious?” I said, my anger fading immediately as I fell into a warm happy place. I shut my eyes. Everything else seemed to fall away into bliss.

“Hello, Joey.”

“Hi,” I murmured.

“How do you feel right now?”

“Good.” I had shut my eyes and fallen into pure bliss.

“And are you gay?”

Why was he asking such obvious questions? “I’m gay,” I said. I felt compelled to answer.

“Do you want to be fucked?”

“No,” I said.

“Why not?”

“Hurt.”

“But you’re gay. You like that.”

“No.” I loved to touch and suck. “Not that.”

Rob was quiet for a moment, as though changing his plans. “OK, Joey, I want you to open your eyes.”

I did as I asked. In front of me was the crystal. I let out a breath of contentment.

“That’s it, Joey. Relax even more, even further.”

I hadn’t realized I could become more relaxed, yet relax I did. Drifting away like in a dream. Feeling so good. With every flash of the light I felt better, more docile, more complacent. I closed my eyes.

“You feel good Joey. But you haven’t reached full relaxation yet. You have a fear, something that’s bothering you and keeping you from reaching perfect happiness. What’s bothering you, Joey?”

Something was bothering me. Something deep in my mind. “I don’t want to be fucked,” I said.

“That thought’s the only thing between you and perfect happiness, Joey. It’s keeping you from being happy.”

I frowned. Was it? Was it keeping me from being happy?

“You need to drop that thought. I want you to imagine a garbage can. Do you see it?”

I saw a garbage can. I nodded.

“Now, the thought is just a bag of garbage. Do you see it?”

There was a bag. It had “I don’t want to be fucked” written on it. “Yes.”

“Take that thought and put it into that garbage can.”

I reached for the bag. The one thing keeping me from happiness. I lifted up the bag. It was surprisingly light. Then I put it into the garbage.

“Is it there, Joey?”

I nodded.

“And now, it’s gone. It’s gone forever.”

“Gone,” I said. And I finally felt completely happy.

“Are you gay, Joey?

“Yes.”

“Do you want to be fucked?”

I thought about it. “I don’t know.”

“But it doesn’t bother you?”

I shook my head. I felt so good. Nothing mattered.

“In fact, you like it. You’re gay and you like it.”

“I like it.” I knew that.

“Good. Now, when I say, ‘open,’ you will open your eyes. You will see Bobby Boswell in front of you. It is the summer before he went off to college. His parents and sister are away, and he wants to fuck you. Would you like that?”

“Yes,” I said. I liked it and I was gay.

“You’ve been wanting this for awhile now, but the time isn’t right. But you have all the time now. You want him to fuck you. You want his beautiful cock inside you.”

“Inside me.”

“You want it so much you can hardly hold youself back. Your ass aches for him. Remember?”

I tried to, but somehow I couldn’t. “I—”

“Remember it.”

It was a command, not a question. I remembered. I remembered how much I wanted Bobby, how much I was afraid I wouldn’t be good enough for him. But mostly, how much I wanted his cock to fill me up.

“I remember,” I said.

“Good. Now, open.”

I blinked. Bobby Boswell was standing there, naked, just the way I remembered him. I felt nervous and unsure, and at the same time, very turned on.

“Are you ready?” he asked.

My mouth was dry. “Oh, yes,” I whispered.

“Take off your clothes and lie on your back.”

“Oh, yes,” I said, my voice tight. I slipped off my shirt, my jeans, my underwear. It only took me a few minutes, yet it seemed to take too long before I could lie down on the bed.

Bobby was stroking his cock. It glistened with KY. “You want this, faggot?” he asked.

“Oh, yes. Please.” I was begging.

He pushed my legs up and pressed his cock against my ass. It struck me that he knew what he wanted, that he knew more than just a high school kid should know about this.

But, as he entered me, the thought vanished. There was a sharp pain as he stretched me out. I let out a small yelp.

“That feels good.”

I realized it did feel good. I began to push against his cock, trying to feel even more of him inside me.

“You want this,” he said.

“Oh, yes.”

“It feels good.”

“So good,” I agreed.

He reached out and began masturbating my cock in time to his thrusts. “You love to be fucked.”

I loved it. “Fuck me.” The sensation of having him inside me, sliding in and out was making my cock harder than it had ever been. His hand moved up and down the shaft like an expert. “Fuck me like the little fag I am!”

He did. I don’t know how long we went at it, but each minute was heaven. He fucked me hard, and I kept wanting it.

“I’m gonna cum in a moment,” said Bobby. “You will cum when I do.” He was breathing heavily, but still managed to speak. “It will be the best orgasm you’ve ever had. If you open your mouth, it will fill it.”

I opened my mouth wide

He came inside me.

I came, too, the cum arcing to hit me in the chin, then into my hungry mouth. I scooped whatever missed onto my toungue.

It was the best thing I ever tasted.

“Good boy. Now, close your eyes, Joey.”

I did as I was asked. I felt happier than I had ever felt in my life. I don’t know how long I lay in my blissful state when a voice started to talk.

“Do you remember that, Joey? Your first time with Bobby?”

I remembered and smiled. “Oh, yes.”

“You remember it, and all the other times, too. There were other times.”

I remembered them.

“You loved him.”

“I loved him.”

“But that fall, he went off to college. Far away. And when he returned you realized you had drifted apart. You felt a little sad, but knew you had to move on.”

“Move on,” I said.

“Good, Joey. Now, I’m going to tell you things. These are things you know. They are the truth. You will repeat them back to me, and when you say them they will become undeniable. Once you say them, it will be impossible for you to deny them. And you won’t want to deny them, because they are as much a part of you as your name. Understand?”

“A part of me.”

“Good. Your name is Joey.”

“My name is Joey.”

“You are gay.”

“I am gay.”

“You like to suck cocks.”

Mmmmm. “I love to suck cocks.”

“You love to be fucked.”

“I love to be fucked.”

“You love Rob Wilson.”

“I love Rob Wilson.”

“You will do whatever Rob tells you.”

“I will do whatever Rob tells me.” It could not be any other way.

“When you hear the phrase ______________________, you will transform into Joey.”

“When I hear the phrase ______________________, I will transform into Joey.”

“You will forget the phrase ______________________ " as soon as you hear it.

“I will forget.”

“And when I say, ‘Goodbye for now, Joey,” you will forget about Joey and return to being Joe.”

“I will be Joe.”

“Nothing about Joe has been changed.”

“Nothing about Joe has been changed.”

“Rob is Joe’s best friend.”

“Rob is Joe’s best friend.”

“Joe will never notice anything Joey does. When he comes back, he will think everything is perfectly normal.”

“Joe will never notice anything Joey does.

“Good, boy, Joey. Now repeat all I have just told you.”

“My name is Joey. I am gay. I love to suck cocks. I love to be fucked. I love Rob Wilson. I will do whatever Rob tells me. When I hear the phrase ______________________, I will transform into Joey. I will forget the phrase ______________________ as soon as I hear it. When you say ‘Goodbye for now, Joey, I will be Joe. Nothing about Joe has been changed. Rob is Joe’s best friend. Joe will never notice anything Joey does. When he comes back, he will think everything was perfectly normal. Is that all true?”

“Oh, yes. It’s all true.”

“Good boy, Joey.” There was a pause. “Now, goodbye for now, Joey.”

I blinked. Rob was sitting next to me on the bed. He was naked. I was naked.

But that was perfectly normal.

* * *

As I sucked on Rob’s luscious cock again after all these years, I remembered it all. How he had conditioned me to be his gay sex slut. Not constantly and not all the time. There were times when I would bring a girl back to the room and tell Rob to make himself scarce. He would smile a knowing smile and let me have the room to myself.

But there were nights when he wanted me. And those nights, Joey would be there for him.

I remembered it all as I sucked down Rob’s cum. It tasted of old times and happiness.

“Are you glad you remembered, Joey?”

I looked at Rob with adoration. “Yes.”

“Good. Well it looks like I’m going to be moving into town. I can see you as often as I like.”

“Oh.” I grinned. I couldn’t think of anything better.

“You’re a good little fag, Joey.”

It felt so good to be called “fag” again. My cock twitched.

“And you’re my little fag.”

“Yes,” I am.

“Your cock is hard, isn’t it, Joey the fag?”

It was, harder than it had been since . . . since the last time I saw Rob.

“Cum, little faggot. Cum for your lover Rob.”

I came. The stream of hot cum burst out of my cock, spurting violently in the air. My body shook as I felt the intense pleasure.

“Very good,” said my lover Rob. “Now,” he said. “In a minute, I will turn you back into Joe.”

“No . . . “I whispered.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be back with you. And sooner than you think. Goodbye for now, Joey.”

I blinked. For some reason I was naked and there was cum on my chest. But that was perfectly normal. I started putting my clothes back on, though I left the cum where it was. “Well,” I said as I put on my underwear. “It’s was great seeing you again.”

“Same for me,” said Rob. “And I think we’ll be seeing a whole lot more of each other.”

“Good,” I said. “I’d like that.” I always liked Rob.